Scholars Sanctuary

Posts

Single…..With Child(ren)

It’s okay to be single. I repeat: IT IS OKAY TO BE SINGLE. I haven’t written in a while. Covid and its aftermath kind of drained me. Since my last post, my son graduated high school. That was a year ago. A few months ago, I was just thinking about how I’m glad I didn’t cohabitate with any man while my kid was still in school. There’s nothing wrong with dating, wanting to date, having a relationship, or getting married to a partner that is not the other parent of your kid(s). For me, though, I think I made the right choice. New relationships don’t just affect YOU. Your whole household dynamic changes. With women, sometimes we get so caught up “in love” and wanting to create a family that we overlook certain things or don’t pay attention to things taking place with our children. I’m not just speaking of abuse, I mean little things like having to put on actual clothes to leave out of their room. Having to possibly share a bedroom/bathroom with others. Not having one-on-one time like bef

Is there more?

I’ve seen the movie “For Colored Girls” numerous times. I have it on DVD. I watch it often. Every viewing brings life to a line of poetry I hadn’t heard before. “There’s always something more”-a line one character said to another. The receiving character was a single, promiscuous woman, using sex to fill an unnameable void. There is a root cause-a reason she has so many lovers. She hasn’t taken the time to understand the “why”. I haven’t taken time to understand my “why”. Partly because I never thought there was a plausible “why”. Partly because I am scared of what I’ll find. I don’t know that I can have intimacy without it being a sexual thing. Let me clarify: I want to be held, intimate, to be “one”, but not necessarily be sexual to be “one”.I want that to come, just when it’s time and not rushed. Let me do a flashback. The movie “For Colored Girls” is based on a choreopoem by Ntozake Shange, called “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide, When the Rainbow is Enuf”. This re

Off The Table

As I reflect on my life-where I am and where I want to be-I am reminded that my journey is mine and I created this path. What I mean is I am where I am because of decisions I made. If I don't like where I am, it is up to me to make the necessary changes. The process of growth allows me to see things differently. With growth comes knowledge. And though my views on some things teeter back and forth, others remain steadfast. The more I grow, the older I get, the more conservative I get. Now, I still have liberal views on many things, but my perception and experience has allowed me to release that which does not serve me anymore and embrace that which is good for me. I'm not sure I will ever get married. I am sure I want to have a productive, healthy relationship with someone who can help me better a better me, as I reciprocate that to him. Thus far, nothing I have done has produced a sustainable relationship for me. Therefore, sex is off the table......for a while. I would lov

Failure to Protect

I have spent the past 5 days reading horror stories of children being abused and murdered at the hands of a parent, step parent, or parent's significant other. I am disturbed, angry, disheartened, heartbroken, and a little hopeless. Adults should protect children. Parents should protect children. It all started when I came across a story about a beautiful girl named Rica Rountree. Rica was abused and murdered by her father's girlfriend. The child had been kicked in her stomach, causing her intestines to tear. Rica died of peritonitis. Her father (Richard Rountree) failed to protect her. He was aware of the abuse and participated, sharing text messages with the girlfriend about how he wished the girl would go somewhere else. He laughed about the abuse in texts and agreed with the girlfriend, Cynthia (Clay) Baker about coaching Rica to lie about how she got her bruises. Though I am happy she was convicted and I hope she gets the maximum in February for sentencing, it is a littl

What do you want?

When you have a job, career, that you love, you don't seek employment elsewhere. But if you are unsure of your status at your current place of employment, if you are unhappy, or if you are seeking/ready for a change, you may find yourself looking for another job. And if opportunity comes to you, you will probably consider taking another offer. I use that analogy because it's the same with relationships. We (Western civilization) have an issue with relationships. We are conditioned to think that jealousy and possession is normal and acceptable. It's not. Before I go further, let me be real clear..... I think we all should have the right to design our own relationships-free of judgment. As long as our relationship isn't hurting another person or taking advantage of another, we should be free to create a situation that we want to be in. I have struggles with understanding the hype around monogamy. But I am not on the polyamory or polygamy bandwagon, either. There is no o

Seeking God, Finding Myself

I have been on a fervent, spiritual journey for the past seven years. It was only then, I began to know myself-as a person, as a woman. I was 28 years old before I was comfortable enough with myself to begin peeling off layers and allowing my freeness to flow. I am a mother. I am a teacher. I am a writer. And I am a sexual being. For so long, the latter was something I suppressed. I wasn’t comfortable enough to speak on that aspect of me. But it’s part of who I am and how I got here-to this place, this space. I grew up Catholic. Sex was to be abstained until marriage, according to our Sunday school lessons. Though people in my family shacked up and had kids out of wedlock-and weren’t looked down upon. For so long, I masturbated with guilt. Even though the release was wonderful and I enjoyed touching my body, I felt like religion taught me I would be punished for the sin-even though it didn’t involve another being. I use to spew the words “But I’m a Christian” not knowing what that