Scholars Sanctuary

 I’ve seen the movie “For Colored Girls” numerous times. I have it on DVD. I watch it often. Every viewing brings life to a line of poetry I hadn’t heard before. “There’s always something more”-a line one character said to another. The receiving character was a single, promiscuous woman, using sex to fill an unnameable void. There is a root cause-a reason she has so many lovers. She hasn’t taken the time to understand the “why”.  I haven’t taken time to understand my “why”. Partly because I never thought there was a plausible “why”. Partly because I am scared of what I’ll find. I don’t know that I can have intimacy without it being a sexual thing. Let me clarify: I want to be held, intimate, to be “one”, but not necessarily be sexual to be “one”.I want that to come, just when it’s time and not rushed.  Let me do a flashback. The movie “For Colored Girls” is based on a choreopoem by Ntozake Shange, called “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide, When the Rainbow is Enuf”. This re

As I reflect on my life-where I am and where I want to be-I am reminded that my journey is mine and I created this path. What I mean is I am where I am because of decisions I made. If I don't like where I am, it is up to me to make the necessary changes. The process of growth allows me to see things differently. With growth comes knowledge. And though my views on some things teeter back and forth, others remain steadfast. The more I grow, the older I get, the more conservative I get. Now, I still have liberal views on many things, but my perception and experience has allowed me to release that which does not serve me anymore and embrace that which is good for me. I'm not sure I will ever get married. I am sure I want to have a productive, healthy relationship with someone who can help me better a better me, as I reciprocate that to him. Thus far, nothing I have done has produced a sustainable relationship for me. Therefore, sex is off the table......for a while. I would lov