Scholars Sanctuary

This weekend, the internet was flooded with a few hashtags (#) all pertaining to the same situation. Not gonna call any names but the gist of the "trending topic" was: Reality star/Instagram model was the focus of a "beef" with two rappers. Now, understand, this ISN'T the first time this young lady has been the "center of  attention" in this way. She's been linked to ANOTHER hip hop artist and the drama surrounding that was a video taken in the park of some "activity" and alleged nude pics. I say "alleged" because I have not seen (nor looked for) any pics of her posted by him. The irony of this story is that earlier Saturday (the day of the Twitter war) I was thinking about her. I couldn't remember her name. But I  knew the incident and I was thinking she (19 at the time) was basically shamed by this guy (he was about 35 at the time). Not to say she was embarrassed. But that's another form of slut shaming-which I blogg

Period. Menstruation. Time of the month. Moon cycle. Whatever you  call it, it is something most females will, one day, experience. Definition- the process of discharging blood and other stuff from the lining of the uterus, usually once a month. From puberty until menopause. The year was 1996. I was 12 years old and it was Summertime. "The Diary of Anne Frank" was my favorite book. As Anne, I was also looking forward to getting my first period......and first kiss. But I digress. It happened on a weekday. I was taking my morning "pee" before Dance Team camp. I was shocked to wipe blood, for  I had been longing for it to come and it had never happened, thus far. But I was excited "it" finally came. I told my mom and my sister and put on a pad. And my days of becoming a woman, began. Soooo....I've been menstruating/bleeding for 20 years. And I've learned a lot about my body and my options. I've learned to pamper myself durring that time.

Sooooo.....it has been a while since I've written. My mom passed away, May 24th. As with my brother who passed away September 5, 2015, death brings enlightenment to me.  I've been reflecting and thinking over rhe past 8 weeks. But I know there are some things I need to share with you all. And it's Summertime!! So I feel like it is a great time to sit and  write. Anywho.....I created this little list (which I am putting into longer form to be released, later) I wanna share with you all. Soooooo, here it is. 1. Begin each day with prayer or meditation. How you start your day plays a major role in setting the tone for the rest of it. Prayers/meditation can create a positive aura, which can create a positive day for you. 2. Self care. Take care of your appearance. Care for your skin, hair, and hygiene. Pamper yourself. Find hair and skin products that work for your skin/hair type and tone. Take care of your hygiene.  Brush and wash. Bathe/shower. Just cleanse yourself. I

I vaguely remember taking a "sex education" course, in Middle School. It was 6th or 7th grade. I remember being in the classroom. Giggling at uncomfortable words. But I cannot recall anything learned, that day. We probably talked about menstruation -periods. I hadn't had mine, yet. (When I did, I was 12, it was the Summer before I began 8th grade ...my birthday is late....November). I think we were combined- boys and girls in that space. And I am pretty sure that made most of us prepubescent schoolchildren awkwardly uncomfortable. Sex Education courses serve a good purpose. Overall, the intention is to give information about things our bodies go through. Hormones, puberty, arousal. How babies are made. But most sex ed classes are standard classes. In this age, there are many people who consider themselves"sexperts"- experts of all things sex. They can tell you how to get pregnant. How to NOT get pregnant. How to have an orgasm. How to stretch an orgasm. How

What is "slut shaming"? I define it as attempts to make females feel insecure or bad about their own choices regarding sex, sexuality, sexual preferences and any other related behavior. Have I been slut shamed? Yes. By family members and a guy I once had a relationship with. I was super insecure, back then, surrounding my sexual choices because of shaming. I never want a female to go through that shit. Sex is religion, to some people. It truly is a spiritual act. It connects bodies. It connects energies, too. It is a beautiful thing to share. No one should be forced into it, nor made fun of for choosing it. And when I started having it, I didn't possess this knowledge. Insecure me was seeking something sex couldn't give me. And I sought from a few sources. But I know better, so I do better. And I hope to help other females do better, by teaching them these things. Giving them the tools they need. I've stated many times, my past experiences have shaped me

Initially, Scholars Sanctuary was created to be a place not only where girls convene, but where questions are welcome and come with answers. I wanna be able to discuss everything from self esteem to bullying, to menstruation. I want girls to know basic things like changing your diet CAN change your life. And it can regulate menstruation, allowing shorter and lighter periods. I want girls to NOT be ashamed that we DO bleed monthly. I want them to know alternatives to pads....tampons (which I don't recommend at their ages) and menstrual cups. Not sure why it would be deemed inappropriate. But to hell with anyone who opposes. These are things all females should know. #IBreakRulesButNotLaws ~Nicole

Dissension is and always will be a part of life. As long as there is free will, differences will exist. The beauty of life is not having a world of "yes men". It's having free thinkers. Critical thinkers. Those who comply. Those who challenge the norm, rebel, and buck the system. Anywho, this week, there was an incident of cyber bullying. (During my time in school, the internet was not what it currently is. And phones were used for calling and receiving calls. No texts or pics.) My first inclination was to step in, give my personal opinion, and attempt to "fix" the problem. Scholars Sanctuary is a place where girls should be/feel safe AND gain the tools to effectively and purposefully speak up for themselves and speak out against anything meant to hurt them. We are molding little critical thinkers. Females with their own opinions. Ladies who speak with purpose and confidence. The situation has been addressed, and appropriate steps have been taken to eliminate th

This week's group topic was "Self Confidence". And I saw that topic play out multiple times, this week. It's not just girls who struggle with it. Women, boys, and men, (I'm sure they do)too. I had a conversation with a 4th grade boy who thinks everyone is against him. His words spoke of a broken spirit. He lacks self confidence. There was a Middle school girl who was feeling self conscious about her hair. I helped her fix it into a style she would be okay with. I totally felt her pain. I, being a natural hair wearer, struggle with taming my mane, too. (I'm ready to cut mine all off, again). Self confidence is a reoccurring (though rare) issue I, too, struggle with. It's important to have conversations about these things. So I created a page of confidence boosting quotes and handed them out. I am confident in universal law-whomever needs it will receive it. ~Nicole

We finally had one big group meeting....with all the girls. There are about 35 girls total. I handed out group packets and went over our tentative itinerary. One thing that makes me smile is how, daily, girls ask me "are we meeting today". Knowing that they are excited about being a part of this is humbling and exciting. I want girls to feel safe to share. I want them to bond with each other. To understand how powerful females are and embrace that. And I want them to gather information. See, I never had certain talks with my Mother. Well, I should say, she never had those talks with ME. I learned from experience and ignorance. I'm not upset with my mother. She could only give what she had. Teach from what she knew. All my experiences shaped me into who I am and how I am. I'm very open and expressive and I encourage that with my son and my mentees. I express myself through writing and teaching. I recently read a Maya Angelou book where she stated she found out her call

I began having doubts about whether or not I am actually "fit" to coordinate a group for girls. And I realized I am. In my attempts to assist others, I am -in turn- assisting myself. See, many people post good advice. Great advice, even. And it's not necessarily for those reading it as much as it is vital for the poster. Saying things aloud....writing them down...is therapeutic. So, we set out to heal others and in doing so we also allow ourselves to heal. I can do this. I can help these young ladies navigate this journey to womanhood. I can give advice. I have life experiences. Creating this group has been my refuge since my brother passed. Being of service to others has always brought me joy. ~Nicole