This weekend, the internet was flooded with a few hashtags (#) all pertaining to the same situation. Not gonna call any names but the gist of the "trending topic" was: Reality star/Instagram model was the focus of a "beef" with two rappers.
Now, understand, this ISN'T the first time this young lady has been the "center of attention" in this way. She's been linked to ANOTHER hip hop artist and the drama surrounding that was a video taken in the park of some "activity" and alleged nude pics. I say "alleged" because I have not seen (nor looked for) any pics of her posted by him. The irony of this story is that earlier Saturday (the day of the Twitter war) I was thinking about her. I couldn't remember her name. But I knew the incident and I was thinking she (19 at the time) was basically shamed by this guy (he was about 35 at the time). Not to say she was embarrassed. But that's another form of slut shaming-which I blogged about a few months back. They had a relationship. A sexual one, apparently, and he released pics to cyber world. The intent was to make her feel bad about her nudity. Her sexuality. I felt some kind of way about that. Quite frankly, it was childish.
I will say this, though..... Women need to be accountable for our actions. Make smarter decisions. Learn from our mistakes, also. But we NEEDN'T be ashamed of our bodies-naked or clothed- our sexuality, femininity or desire to be conservative or liberal.
This blog post is neither to judge her nor make her a victim. But this whole fiasco did cause me to ask a serious question....."Who's in her circle?" "Where are her 'sisters'?" Not just blood sisters but those females/women who claim to love and want what's best for her.
We all need a "cabinet". A group-small preferably- of women who support us. Love us. Guide us. Call us out on our stuff. Offers us tools to help us get through whatever. Advice to help lessen the amount of mistakes we make. But an ear to listen, shoulder to cry on when we need it. Too many people-mostly celebrities and those with status (money & power) have "yes men" in their circle. People who say what they THINK you wanna hear. Not what's good for you or what you NEED to hear.
So I've been asking where HER circle is, while contemplating where MY own circle is. And I want you to think of your circle, too!
See, we like building relationships/friendships with like-minded people. That's good. But it's also good to "hear" opposing sides. Not people being negative just cause they aren't happy in life. Opposing sides don't equate, necessarily, to negativity. Opposing sides help us be open minded and think beyond what we know. You never have to agree with opposing views of what you believe in. But it's good to have an understanding of the diverse world we live in. And just cause a person disagrees with your stance doesn't mean they are being negative....they just believe what they believe. We all have our own truths.
There are times we can't identify our own flaws. Times when we can't see past ourselves. If we don't know better we cannot do better. So get you a circle of trusted, loyal friends. Drake says in a song "You can't listen to me talk then go tell my story." That is not just about romantic relationships. Our closest allies should take heed to that line, as should we. You don't need anyone close to you who will-first chance they get (when they are upset with you or feeling gossipy) run and tell your business to others. It doesn't work like that. So surround yourself with trustworthy people. And you display that same loyalty to them. We should be elevated by those closest to us. And, mutually, they should feel elevated by us. Growth should be a factor in every aspect of our lives-work/career, relationships, friendships, education. We should all be learning more....know more from the people we surround ourselves with.
I sat with a heavy heart this weekend thinking of that young lady. The price of fame is NEVER worth our spirits being broken. Our bodies being displayed for shaming (though we have NOTHING to be ashamed of). I'm just wondering who she has. Who can she talk to? Who is helping her get through this ordeal? I don't want any of you reading this to ever feel alone-without a circle. So get at least ONE friend who will support you and listen to "your story".
I hope you all feel love and supported and love and support someone else. Don't tear down another woman-especially if men are doing it. I have nothing but love to send to that young lady and any other young ladies dealing with that. Her issue is public because she is a public figure. So many everyday women/females are being exploited by/dragged through the gutters by men (perhaps boys is better) they once had an intimate (not necessarily sexual) relationship with. Be a "sister" to someone..
Let us stick together and support one another.
With much love,
Ms. Nicole
Now, understand, this ISN'T the first time this young lady has been the "center of attention" in this way. She's been linked to ANOTHER hip hop artist and the drama surrounding that was a video taken in the park of some "activity" and alleged nude pics. I say "alleged" because I have not seen (nor looked for) any pics of her posted by him. The irony of this story is that earlier Saturday (the day of the Twitter war) I was thinking about her. I couldn't remember her name. But I knew the incident and I was thinking she (19 at the time) was basically shamed by this guy (he was about 35 at the time). Not to say she was embarrassed. But that's another form of slut shaming-which I blogged about a few months back. They had a relationship. A sexual one, apparently, and he released pics to cyber world. The intent was to make her feel bad about her nudity. Her sexuality. I felt some kind of way about that. Quite frankly, it was childish.
I will say this, though..... Women need to be accountable for our actions. Make smarter decisions. Learn from our mistakes, also. But we NEEDN'T be ashamed of our bodies-naked or clothed- our sexuality, femininity or desire to be conservative or liberal.
This blog post is neither to judge her nor make her a victim. But this whole fiasco did cause me to ask a serious question....."Who's in her circle?" "Where are her 'sisters'?" Not just blood sisters but those females/women who claim to love and want what's best for her.
We all need a "cabinet". A group-small preferably- of women who support us. Love us. Guide us. Call us out on our stuff. Offers us tools to help us get through whatever. Advice to help lessen the amount of mistakes we make. But an ear to listen, shoulder to cry on when we need it. Too many people-mostly celebrities and those with status (money & power) have "yes men" in their circle. People who say what they THINK you wanna hear. Not what's good for you or what you NEED to hear.
So I've been asking where HER circle is, while contemplating where MY own circle is. And I want you to think of your circle, too!
See, we like building relationships/friendships with like-minded people. That's good. But it's also good to "hear" opposing sides. Not people being negative just cause they aren't happy in life. Opposing sides don't equate, necessarily, to negativity. Opposing sides help us be open minded and think beyond what we know. You never have to agree with opposing views of what you believe in. But it's good to have an understanding of the diverse world we live in. And just cause a person disagrees with your stance doesn't mean they are being negative....they just believe what they believe. We all have our own truths.
There are times we can't identify our own flaws. Times when we can't see past ourselves. If we don't know better we cannot do better. So get you a circle of trusted, loyal friends. Drake says in a song "You can't listen to me talk then go tell my story." That is not just about romantic relationships. Our closest allies should take heed to that line, as should we. You don't need anyone close to you who will-first chance they get (when they are upset with you or feeling gossipy) run and tell your business to others. It doesn't work like that. So surround yourself with trustworthy people. And you display that same loyalty to them. We should be elevated by those closest to us. And, mutually, they should feel elevated by us. Growth should be a factor in every aspect of our lives-work/career, relationships, friendships, education. We should all be learning more....know more from the people we surround ourselves with.
I sat with a heavy heart this weekend thinking of that young lady. The price of fame is NEVER worth our spirits being broken. Our bodies being displayed for shaming (though we have NOTHING to be ashamed of). I'm just wondering who she has. Who can she talk to? Who is helping her get through this ordeal? I don't want any of you reading this to ever feel alone-without a circle. So get at least ONE friend who will support you and listen to "your story".
I hope you all feel love and supported and love and support someone else. Don't tear down another woman-especially if men are doing it. I have nothing but love to send to that young lady and any other young ladies dealing with that. Her issue is public because she is a public figure. So many everyday women/females are being exploited by/dragged through the gutters by men (perhaps boys is better) they once had an intimate (not necessarily sexual) relationship with. Be a "sister" to someone..
Let us stick together and support one another.
With much love,
Ms. Nicole
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