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More than love

Marriage is a piece of paper. Marriage is a contract-like a business arrangement. Marriage is a commitment between two people. Marriage is becoming one with another person. Yep, it’s all of that stuff. It shouldn’t be entered into lightly. 

I teach criminology. Sometimes, our discussions contain issues that relate to modern society. For example: We discussed “body count”/promiscuity and how it correlates to criminal behavior. If one lacks discipline and self control, they are more likely to engage in risky and/or violent behavior. I remember telling my students to marry someone who shares the same or similar goals. Marry someone who will complement you. Someone who pushes you to grow, to better yourself. Love is fine, but there has to be more to sustain a marriage than “we love each other”. How many couples are stagnant-how many individuals in marriages are stagnant because they aren’t allowing themselves to grow-because they don’t want to outgrow their partner? Love is fine, but do your values align? Do you share mutual interests? Can you have intellectual conversations? Are you on the same page about kids? Having them? Raising them? Do your spiritual or religious beliefs align? What type of home do you envision? Is it more traditional or more modern? Are you marrying someone who prays for you and with you? Are you both on the same page financially? 

Every time I see a television show and parents want their child to marry the wealthy person-whom the child doesn’t love-as opposed to the less privileged person-whom the child is in love with, I tend to side with the parents. I understand love and longing to be with the one you love, but we gotta be practical about things. I’d rather have a provider who leads than to be with someone I love, who doesn’t have a clue on how to be a husband. Once the “honeymoon” phase ends, we gotta live. 

Love is wonderful and beautiful and magical, but is it enough?

-Nicole Rene

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