Scholars Sanctuary

There are moments when I start to feel sorry for myself. I engage in my own “pity party “. Then I am reminded of God’s grace. There are things in my life I cannot take back. No matter how much I atone, I still live with the thoughts and shame of my actions. It’s in those moments I stop feeling bad about my current situation and start to thank God for giving me grace and keeping me out of situations that could have killed or imprisoned me.  A spiritual journey is a personal experience. No one can tell you what that should look like. You just have to walk through it. Mine looks messy. You can read previous posts and see how I am all over the place. Can I truly love God, yet still be “of the world”? Yes, I think so. We don’t live in a bubble and we are not just surrounded by people who share our beliefs. We are of the world. In the world. It’s this place, this space where we CAN reach others. Share our testimony. Fellowship. Does being in the world mean I have to engage in worldly thi...

Sex should be a conversation. Couples should have it. Potential partners should have it. Parents and their children should have it. One of our downfalls-as humans- is the lack of communication regarding sex. This is how we end up with high numbers of unwanted/unplanned pregnancies, diseases, and those living with shame surrounding sex. We aren’t talking about it.  One thing I am big on is not shaming teens when dealing with sexual matters. Sex isn’t something to be embarrassed about. Masturbation isn’t something to be embarrassed of. There are healthy ways to engage in this dialogue. But no one should be ashamed of their body having natural feelings or desires. Abortion is a hot topic. I have previously blogged on my thoughts and opinions about this subject and how discussing sex can eliminate the thought of having one or not. Healthy choices involving sex begin with conversations and communication about sex. You can’t just engage in the act without both parties going in with full ...

Stop having children with someone you aren’t married to or wouldn’t want to marry. Let’s normalize this. Part of teaching is sharing knowledge gained through education. Another part is sharing from experiences. In some ways, that experience is far more valuable than something you’ve read in a book.  That’s my goal-to share what I’ve been through and hopefully guide you to make smarter decisions. Co-parenting is a bigger commitment than marriage. Yes, legal marriage ties you to another person, but divorce separates you from that person. Bringing a child into the world is a lifetime commitment. While you can walk away from an ex and not look back (if no kids are involved), creating life with another forces you to maintain some type of connection with one you may want to move on from.  Children are innocent beings who deserve to be raised in love and to be taken care of. If the creators of that child cannot get along, the child suffers. Don't create life with someone you wouldn’t...

In the church, communion is the part where you “eat the flesh and drink” the blood of Christ. It’s also fellowship with other believers.  That is something I miss-communion. Not just in the religious aspect, but having people….friends. Part of that is I am tired of being the one to maintain relationships. No longer will I put effort into others where it isn’t being reciprocated. Needless to say, my circle has decreased.  The older I get, the more I need my needs to be met. The more I want to only be around people who are constantly growing, seeking opportunities to grow, and people who want that for me. Long ago I learned how to sit with myself, sit in silence, be alone. Just because I have mastered it doesn’t mean I enjoy it.  There’s been times I was starved for…. affection…. communication….intimacy ….human touch….friendship…..attention….answers…. something. Anything! I needed things and didn’t know how to obtain them or voice my feelings. No longer do I allow myself to...

Death is a part of our existence. It happens. People die, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Previously, I wrote about my father's death in February. I am ready to talk more about it. I just finished reading this article by Tatiana Schlossberg (Caroline Kennedy's daughter) about her terminal cancer diagnosis. One of the things she briefly touches on is the care of the nurses at the hospital. She praised them for their service.  May 24, 2016, my mother passed away in a hospital in Baton Rouge. She had sickle cell disease and when it went bad, it all went bad at once. While she was in the hospital in one city, her sister-who also had sickle cell-was in a New Orleans hospital. We knew one would die, we just didn't know which one. My mom died after 7pm on a Tuesday night. My sister was backing into the driveway at our parents' house when my dad called my cell phone to tell us she had passed. We had left the hospital about an hour earlier. We got to say our "g...

Marriage is a piece of paper. Marriage is a contract-like a business arrangement. Marriage is a commitment between two people. Marriage is becoming one with another person. Yep, it’s all of that stuff. It shouldn’t be entered into lightly.  I teach criminology. Sometimes, our discussions contain issues that relate to modern society. For example: We discussed “body count”/promiscuity and how it correlates to criminal behavior. If one lacks discipline and self control, they are more likely to engage in risky and/or violent behavior. I remember telling my students to marry someone who shares the same or similar goals. Marry someone who will complement you. Someone who pushes you to grow, to better yourself. Love is fine, but there has to be more to sustain a marriage than “we love each other”. How many couples are stagnant-how many individuals in marriages are stagnant because they aren’t allowing themselves to grow-because they don’t want to outgrow their partner? Love is fine, but d...