Scholars Sanctuary

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Communion

In the church, communion is the part where you “eat the flesh and drink” the blood of Christ. It’s also fellowship with other believers. That is something I miss-communion. Not just in the religious aspect, but having people….friends. Part of that is I am tired of being the one to maintain relationships. No longer will I put effort into others where it isn’t being reciprocated. Needless to say, my circle has decreased. The older I get, the more I need my needs to be met. The more I want to only be around people who are constantly growing, seeking opportunities to grow, and people who want that for me. Long ago I learned how to sit with myself, sit in silence, be alone. Just because I have mastered it doesn’t mean I enjoy it. There’s been times I was starved for…. affection…. communication….intimacy ….human touch….friendship…..attention….answers…. something. Anything! I needed things and didn’t know how to obtain them or voice my feelings. No longer do I allow myself to...

More on Death/Piedmont Eastside Hospital

Death is a part of our existence. It happens. People die, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Previously, I wrote about my father's death in February. I am ready to talk more about it. I just finished reading this article by Tatiana Schlossberg (Caroline Kennedy's daughter) about her terminal cancer diagnosis. One of the things she briefly touches on is the care of the nurses at the hospital. She praised them for their service. May 24, 2016, my mother passed away in a hospital in Baton Rouge. She had sickle cell disease and when it went bad, it all went bad at once. While she was in the hospital in one city, her sister-who also had sickle cell-was in a New Orleans hospital. We knew one would die, we just didn't know which one. My mom died after 7pm on a Tuesday night. My sister was backing into the driveway at our parents' house when my dad called my cell phone to tell us she had passed. We had left the hospital about an hour earlier. We got to say our "g...

Death….the ugly side….

My father died, a month ago (2/12/25). I am not doing well. I was with him in the hospital room. It was not a quiet, just slipped away-type of death. Besides me, there were about 8 or 9 hospital staff members in the room, working on him. I lied. Eight or nine weren’t working on him. About 4 were actively working, the rest were just….there. When I’m up to it, I’ll blog about the horrible experience at Piedmont Eastside Hospital-Snellville, GA. The two doctors that made me HATE that hospital. That’s where he died. I’m from Louisiana, but I live in Ga. My father lives in-lived in Louisiana. He’s a widower, as my mom passed in 2016 (05/24/16). He was with her, in the hospital, when she died. They had been together for 40 years. Nine months prior, (09/05/2015) my 38 year old brother died. They grieved that lost. Mom never really recovered. She had lost two brothers in 2014. One in January and one in December. We began 2014 and 2015 with funerals. Anyway, my dad visits...

Marriage….. Stuff

It’s a beautiful day in Georgia, so I decided to sit outside and engage in leisurely activity. Logged into Twitter and came across a post by a male. He was saying how he hopes his sons marry chaste women. Virgins. However, if the non virgins are more aligned, spiritually, (and have repented) than the virgins, he’d be happy for his sons to marry a non virgin. That made me think of spiritual/symbolic marriage. Legal marriages are the norm in this country. When I say the norm, I mean they are the marriages acknowledged by the government and many people. Spiritual/symbolic marriages have existed for a long time. They, however, do not offer the protections or benefits that one gets from legal marriage (binding contract). This made me think of how symbolic marriages are respected or not respected. Calling yourself “married” because you’re with someone without having a spiritual ceremony is just that-words you use. It allows you to use the term “married” when it’s beneficial to you...

Single…..With Child(ren)

It’s okay to be single. I repeat: IT IS OKAY TO BE SINGLE. I haven’t written in a while. Covid and its aftermath kind of drained me. Since my last post, my son graduated high school. That was a year ago. A few months ago, I was just thinking about how I’m glad I didn’t cohabitate with any man while my kid was still in school. There’s nothing wrong with dating, wanting to date, having a relationship, or getting married to a partner that is not the other parent of your kid(s). For me, though, I think I made the right choice. New relationships don’t just affect YOU. Your whole household dynamic changes. With women, sometimes we get so caught up “in love” and wanting to create a family that we overlook certain things or don’t pay attention to things taking place with our children. I’m not just speaking of abuse, I mean little things like having to put on actual clothes to leave out of their room. Having to possibly share a bedroom/bathroom with others. Not having one-on-one time...

Is there more?

I’ve seen the movie “For Colored Girls” numerous times. I have it on DVD. I watch it often. Every viewing brings life to a line of poetry I hadn’t heard before. “There’s always something more”-a line one character said to another. The receiving character was a single, promiscuous woman, using sex to fill an unnameable void. There is a root cause-a reason she has so many lovers. She hasn’t taken the time to understand the “why”. I haven’t taken time to understand my “why”. Partly because I never thought there was a plausible “why”. Partly because I am scared of what I’ll find. I don’t know that I can have intimacy without it being a sexual thing. Let me clarify: I want to be held, intimate, to be “one”, but not necessarily be sexual to be “one”.I want that to come, just when it’s time and not rushed. Let me do a flashback. The movie “For Colored Girls” is based on a choreopoem by Ntozake Shange, called “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide, When the Rainbow is ...