There are moments when I start to feel sorry for myself. I engage in my own “pity party “. Then I am reminded of God’s grace. There are things in my life I cannot take back. No matter how much I atone, I still live with the thoughts and shame of my actions. It’s in those moments I stop feeling bad about my current situation and start to thank God for giving me grace and keeping me out of situations that could have killed or imprisoned me. A spiritual journey is a personal experience. No one can tell you what that should look like. You just have to walk through it. Mine looks messy. You can read previous posts and see how I am all over the place. Can I truly love God, yet still be “of the world”? Yes, I think so. We don’t live in a bubble and we are not just surrounded by people who share our beliefs. We are of the world. In the world. It’s this place, this space where we CAN reach others. Share our testimony. Fellowship. Does being in the world mean I have to engage in worldly thi...
In the church, communion is the part where you “eat the flesh and drink” the blood of Christ. It’s also fellowship with other believers. That is something I miss-communion. Not just in the religious aspect, but having people….friends. Part of that is I am tired of being the one to maintain relationships. No longer will I put effort into others where it isn’t being reciprocated. Needless to say, my circle has decreased. The older I get, the more I need my needs to be met. The more I want to only be around people who are constantly growing, seeking opportunities to grow, and people who want that for me. Long ago I learned how to sit with myself, sit in silence, be alone. Just because I have mastered it doesn’t mean I enjoy it. There’s been times I was starved for…. affection…. communication….intimacy ….human touch….friendship…..attention….answers…. something. Anything! I needed things and didn’t know how to obtain them or voice my feelings. No longer do I allow myself to...