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Communion

In the church, communion is the part where you “eat the flesh and drink” the blood of Christ. It’s also fellowship with other believers. 

That is something I miss-communion. Not just in the religious aspect, but having people….friends. Part of that is I am tired of being the one to maintain relationships. No longer will I put effort into others where it isn’t being reciprocated. Needless to say, my circle has decreased. 

The older I get, the more I need my needs to be met. The more I want to only be around people who are constantly growing, seeking opportunities to grow, and people who want that for me. Long ago I learned how to sit with myself, sit in silence, be alone. Just because I have mastered it doesn’t mean I enjoy it. 

There’s been times I was starved for…. affection…. communication….intimacy ….human touch….friendship…..attention….answers…. something. Anything! I needed things and didn’t know how to obtain them or voice my feelings. No longer do I allow myself to suffer. Communication is paramount. Pain changes you. Death changes you. 

What I hope for, pray for, is authenticity-with myself and those I allow in my life. What I expect is genuine connection with others. Maybe I am too old to have these expectations. Too old to care about depth. Surface level has never been my thing, as I see no purpose in having shallow connections. I’ve always believed that we receive what we need when we need it. Those who need to see this blog will see it-when they are ready to receive it. Those who are meant to be in my life will show up and remain when it’s their time. There is no room in my life for those who do not wish me well. My love….friendship….person…is too pure….too positive….too natural to give away to someone who doesn’t deserve it….. doesn’t deserve me. 

-Nicole

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