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Off The Table

As I reflect on my life-where I am and where I want to be-I am reminded that my journey is mine and I created this path. What I mean is I am where I am because of decisions I made. If I don't like where I am, it is up to me to make the necessary changes.

The process of growth allows me to see things differently. With growth comes knowledge. And though my views on some things teeter back and forth, others remain steadfast. The more I grow, the older I get, the more conservative I get. Now, I still have liberal views on many things, but my perception and experience has allowed me to release that which does not serve me anymore and embrace that which is good for me.

I'm not sure I will ever get married. I am sure I want to have a productive, healthy relationship with someone who can help me better a better me, as I reciprocate that to him. Thus far, nothing I have done has produced a sustainable relationship for me. Therefore, sex is off the table......for a while. I would love to say sex is off the table until marriage, but I may never be married. I may have a relationship that is just fine without tying the knot. At this point in my life, I am not sure I want that, either. I use to, but I have gotten so appreciative of my alone time and I cherish that more than I can convey with words. My path has always been unorthodox....non traditional. I can see me being in a non-traditional relationship or marriage. We can have two different houses. That would work for me-as long as we spend physical time together.

My approach to entering relationships and meeting men is to take sex off the table. Easier said than done. I think sex is beautiful....wonderful.....magical! Connecting with someone on that physical level is amazing and indescribable. To be one and share the most intimate bliss two people can share is truly something that was created by God. But I think I have used that in ways God did not intend. This is not a religious decision, it is a practical decision. I want to create that unbreakable connection, connect intimately-without touching-with a man before we share each other. This way, I can eliminate men who are only seeking sex and nothing more. As stated before, nothing is wrong with sex. It is a beautiful act. But my journey has made me realize I need to do things differently in order to receive different results. And when I do meet that person, sex will be special and bonding because it will not be at the forefront of our relationship.

-Nicole Rene
Speaking in Tongues- Toni Braxton (A song that describes the beauty of intimacy)

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