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Single…..With Child(ren)

 It’s okay to be single. I repeat: IT IS OKAY TO BE SINGLE. I haven’t written in a while. Covid and its aftermath kind of drained me. Since my last post, my son graduated high school. That was a year ago. A few months ago, I was just thinking about how I’m glad I didn’t cohabitate with any man while my kid was still in school. There’s nothing wrong with dating, wanting to date, having a relationship, or getting married to a partner that is not the other parent of your kid(s). For me, though, I think I made the right choice. 

New relationships don’t just affect YOU. Your whole household dynamic changes. With women, sometimes we get so caught up “in love” and wanting to create a family that we overlook certain things or don’t pay attention to things taking place with our children. I’m not just speaking of abuse, I mean little things like having to put on actual clothes to leave out of their room. Having to possibly share a bedroom/bathroom with others. Not having one-on-one time like before. Those things affect children and sometimes they don’t have the language, the vocabulary, to verbalize that. 

I’m glad I was able to enjoy time with my kid. We would have movie night or a night where we’d eat breakfast for dinner, spontaneous road-trips and vacations. With a live-in partner, those things would have changed. My focus was-and has ALWAYS been-to keep him safe. It was my job to make sure nothing happened to him. If I brought a partner into my home and something happened to my kid, I’d never live that down. I’d always feel guilt. Now, I’m not trying to make you feel guilty for wanting someone in your life. We all want to be someone to someone. I just want you to vet and go into relationships with your eyes wide open. Our children can’t afford for us to be “laxed” when bringing others around them.  

More importantly, there’s nothing wrong with being single. The downtime, as I like to call it, forced me to learn to sit with myself. It forced me to look within and find my flaws, likes, dislikes, what I’m willing to change, not willing to compromise, see who I am as a person, as a woman. Now that my son is a (legal) adult- I am ready to be with my person. My young adult has my blessing to go out and live, learn, and when the time is right, to find his person. 

Though I value and respect what relationships offer, I’m not sad about my current status. I did what was right for ME. I am, however, ready to have someone to share things with. Someone to talk and listen to. Do I think my time has passed for that? Absolutely not. I’m not even 40 (yet). I’m not concerned with finding an age appropriate man. I’m not stressing over it ending in marriage. I just want to connect with someone who wants to be with me as much as I with him. That’s possible. He’s out there. I haven’t missed my window to live. He who God has in store for me will find me. I have faith! 

-Nicole Rene

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