Scholars Sanctuary

 Does absence really make the heart grow fonder, or does it just make it easier to walk away? The past 8 weeks have brought about both feelings. What started off as a longing, missing someone, has evolved to the reality that no matter what happens, I’ll be alright.  As someone who has dated polygamists (that’s another story-or a whole damn book, but I digress), unorthodox relationships are not new to me. The traditional path of anything hasn’t really been my forte. That doesn’t mean I don’t desire to have something healthy and functional. It just means my way of getting there might not look like yours.  I write things down for several reasons:1. It helps me process and release things. 2. My story may be interesting or healing for someone. A few weeks ago I wrote down a question: How can I best support you? That query is intended to be answered by one person. Does my support look like me showing up more, or does it look like me showing up less? I cannot answer that. The fo...

Death is a part of our existence. It happens. People die, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Previously, I wrote about my father's death in February. I am ready to talk more about it. I just finished reading this article by Tatiana Schlossberg (Caroline Kennedy's daughter) about her terminal cancer diagnosis. One of the things she briefly touches on is the care of the nurses at the hospital. She praised them for their service.  May 24, 2016, my mother passed away in a hospital in Baton Rouge. She had sickle cell disease and when it went bad, it all went bad at once. While she was in the hospital in one city, her sister-who also had sickle cell-was in a New Orleans hospital. We knew one would die, we just didn't know which one. My mom died after 7pm on a Tuesday night. My sister was backing into the driveway at our parents' house when my dad called my cell phone to tell us she had passed. We had left the hospital about an hour earlier. We got to say our "g...

 Samantha Jones (Sex & the city), Regine Hunter (Living Single), Toni Childs (Girlfriends), and Blanche Devereaux ( The Golden Girls) are all the same character, and NONE of them are a girl’s girl! Samantha Jones is lauded as one-from the episode where she doesn’t judge Carrie for engaging in an affair with married “Big”. That’s not something to be applauded. Carrie, Sam’s friend, was sleeping with her ex-who was married to another woman. But how could Sam judge Carrie when Sam, herself, engaged in sex with married men? Hell, Sam lacked sexual discipline and slept with pretty much anyone. She lacked boundaries and somehow, the early 2000’s saw her as a pioneer or goddess. I was there, I remember!  I’ve stated this before, but the older I get, the more reserved I become. I can look back on past actions/behaviors and analyze WHY I engaged in them. From there, I try to steer others in a different direction. I’d rather help you figure out your WHY before you spend months or ye...

Is it a deal breaker to date someone who doesn’t share the same religious/spiritual beliefs as you? It might not be, but it SHOULD be. Not just spiritually, but we-as beings-have to stop compromising our values just to be with others. My father died in February. I blogged about it (Death…the ugly side). He was a good father, a church deacon, Sunday school teacher, former member of the male chorus etc. He was involved with his church, the congregation. But what stood out the most for me is how he prayed over his family. We would have family prayers where we would all gather together and he would pray with, for, and over us, and we would be able to add/share our thoughts or prayers, too. Our last family prayer was here, at my home, New Year’s Day. That’s something he did for our family-as far as I can remember-over 35 years.  My relationship with God is important. It matters to me. Even when I stray, I find my way back. I’m getting better at doing better. I pray, daily. God and I, we...

Marriage is a piece of paper. Marriage is a contract-like a business arrangement. Marriage is a commitment between two people. Marriage is becoming one with another person. Yep, it’s all of that stuff. It shouldn’t be entered into lightly.  I teach criminology. Sometimes, our discussions contain issues that relate to modern society. For example: We discussed “body count”/promiscuity and how it correlates to criminal behavior. If one lacks discipline and self control, they are more likely to engage in risky and/or violent behavior. I remember telling my students to marry someone who shares the same or similar goals. Marry someone who will complement you. Someone who pushes you to grow, to better yourself. Love is fine, but there has to be more to sustain a marriage than “we love each other”. How many couples are stagnant-how many individuals in marriages are stagnant because they aren’t allowing themselves to grow-because they don’t want to outgrow their partner? Love is fine, but d...

Sex is such a beautiful act. It’s being naked-physically and emotionally. It is the closest two people can get. The anticipation of being with someone in that way can conjure up greater excitement than the actual experience. To be intimate with another…..to share yourself….it should be treated as something very special.  My love languages are “acts of service” and “physical touch”. I enjoy doing kind things for those I love. I also enjoy physically being in the presence of the one I love. Kissing. Touching. Being held. Cuddling. All those fall under the umbrella of intimacy. There’s an awareness of vulnerability that resides in being intimate. Essentially, you are allowing another into your safe space. Being open to love also means being open to hurt. Joy and pain. The risk is worth it. All or nothing.  As I write this, I find myself holding back what I really want to say. I guess I’m not as naked as I thought I was. 😉 The idea of being that way with another….again… is exciti...