Scholars Sanctuary

 It’s okay to be single. I repeat: IT IS OKAY TO BE SINGLE. I haven’t written in a while. Covid and its aftermath kind of drained me. Since my last post, my son graduated high school. That was a year ago. A few months ago, I was just thinking about how I’m glad I didn’t cohabitate with any man while my kid was still in school. There’s nothing wrong with dating, wanting to date, having a relationship, or getting married to a partner that is not the other parent of your kid(s). For me, though, I think I made the right choice.  New relationships don’t just affect YOU. Your whole household dynamic changes. With women, sometimes we get so caught up “in love” and wanting to create a family that we overlook certain things or don’t pay attention to things taking place with our children. I’m not just speaking of abuse, I mean little things like having to put on actual clothes to leave out of their room. Having to possibly share a bedroom/bathroom with others. Not having one-on-one time...

I have spent the past 5 days reading horror stories of children being abused and murdered at the hands of a parent, step parent, or parent's significant other. I am disturbed, angry, disheartened, heartbroken, and a little hopeless. Adults should protect children. Parents should protect children. It all started when I came across a story about a beautiful girl named Rica Rountree. Rica was abused and murdered by her father's girlfriend. The child had been kicked in her stomach, causing her intestines to tear. Rica died of peritonitis. Her father (Richard Rountree) failed to protect her. He was aware of the abuse and participated, sharing text messages with the girlfriend about how he wished the girl would go somewhere else. He laughed about the abuse in texts and agreed with the girlfriend, Cynthia (Clay) Baker about coaching Rica to lie about how she got her bruises. Though I am happy she was convicted and I hope she gets the maximum in February for sentencing, it is a litt...

I have been on a fervent, spiritual journey for the past seven years. It was only then, I began to know myself-as a person, as a woman. I was 28 years old before I was comfortable enough with myself to begin peeling off layers and allowing my freeness to flow. I am a mother. I am a teacher. I am a writer. And I am a sexual being. For so long, the latter was something I suppressed. I wasn’t comfortable enough to speak on that aspect of me. But it’s part of who I am and how I got here-to this place, this space. I grew up Catholic. Sex was to be abstained until marriage, according to our Sunday school lessons. Though people in my family shacked up and had kids out of wedlock-and weren’t looked down upon.  For so long, I masturbated with guilt. Even though the release was wonderful and I enjoyed touching my body, I felt like religion taught me I would be punished for the sin-even though it didn’t involve another being. I use to spew the words “But I’m a Christian”  not knowing w...

There is something absolutely wonderful and beautiful about aging. With age comes knowledge, wisdom, growth. The longer we live and the more we experience, the more knowledgeable we become. Or, at least, that’s how it SHOULD be. I’m 35. I’ll be 36 in November. As I navigate the dating scene, I am almost always met with the question “Do you want to have more kids”? If I (or any woman my age or older) were to conceive a child, it’d be labeled a .......wait for it...... GERIATRIC PREGNANCY. Yes, that is what it’s called when a woman-35+ gets pregnant. I’ll probably still menstruate another 12-15 years, so I shake my head at that term. It’s a reminder of how devalued women of a certain age become.  I’m not a fan of social media . If I didn’t blog/write, I’d not even engage. So I never feel like I’m competing with or trying to keep up with women in their 20’s who post sexual content on their pages for attention or likes. It’s their life and their choice. I just know I’m past that...

I have come to a realization: I use to be a horrible person. And I am trying not to cry as I write this. I have hurt others because I was a hurt person. Broken. But I had no idea, at the time. There are people I need to make amends with. Not because I need them to accept my forgiveness so I can feel better. Because I hurt them, not purposely, and I carry the weight of being responsible for creating a cycle. Forgiveness is not something anyone has to give. Seeking forgiveness should only come once one realizes the damage they have caused to another or others. I carry the burden of what I have done. That, alone, is mine. And I must do the work to heal within myself. Once I became aware of how horrible I was, I cried. All night and all the next morning. People may forget words, but actions, what you do to them, that can be unforgettable. In some cases, that can be hard to live with. This post is to bring awareness to anyone who may be causing hurt or pain to another. And if you know...

Today, as I laid on a table with my eyes closed, I silently cried. Today, during a massage, I began to heal. I have always heard how massages are healing. And I believed that,  since I have received massages before. But, today, I truly felt like healing was taking place. My massage therapist was gentle and kind. She oiled and touched my body, working on spots that were filled with tension. Under a dim light, with soft music playing, I closed my eyes and silently cried. I cried because it has been over a year since I last went to a massage parlor. My body was in much discomfort, yet I didn't feel the need to get it massaged. I received multiple signs over the past two days that forced me to realize I NEED this. Human touch can be delicate, sensitive, and is innately craved by all beings. Human touch, itself, has healing powers. You see, so many people don't experience that. The homeless population, the incarcerated, those deemed unlovable. They rarely, if ever, receive human...