When you have a job, career, that you love, you don't seek employment elsewhere. But if you are unsure of your status at your current place of employment, if you are unhappy, or if you are seeking/ready for a change, you may find yourself looking for another job. And if opportunity comes to you, you will probably consider taking another offer.
I use that analogy because it's the same with relationships. We (Western civilization) have an issue with relationships. We are conditioned to think that jealousy and possession is normal and acceptable. It's not. Before I go further, let me be real clear..... I think we all should have the right to design our own relationships-free of judgment. As long as our relationship isn't hurting another person or taking advantage of another, we should be free to create a situation that we want to be in. I have struggles with understanding the hype around monogamy. But I am not on the polyamory or polygamy bandwagon, either. There is no one solution. You must find what fits you. But I will say this: The United States has a fifty percent divorce rate. That means one out of two couples will divorce. Half of married couples will divorce. We have heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. Technically, that's not the definition of insanity. But it goes well with the point I am trying to make. It's insane to think that pushing monogamy in a world of vastly different beings will result in the marriage rate outweighing the divorce rate. Whatever we are doing isn't working. So a different solution must be introduced.
The answer to leaving the Democratic party (which I did) is not to become a Republican. And vice versa. Though you may leave one and find yourself apart of the other, the solution is not to jump ship. The solution is to figure out what resonates with you and your core beliefs. Which party do you feel is best for you-and overall-what you hope for the country. It's the same with relationships. Monogamy works for some people. And though most couples you may know are probably overtly monogamous, how many of them are actually content in that dynamic? We are not monogamous beings. Monogamy is work. I would even say it feels forced. Monogamy gives the idea that one person-out of the billions in the world-can fulfill all your needs. I have said before: If your partner is the only person to keep your attention, delete your social media accounts and don't have leisurely conversations with the people at work. Let your partner be the ONLY person you converse with. Yeah, you hear how foolish that sounds, right? We communicate with others to hear and learn different points of view. We grow by learning. We learn by exposing ourselves to things outside of ourselves.
Now let's take polyamory-having multiple loves. That dynamic is not ideal for all, but it works for some. And though polygamy is illegal, per se, the spiritual union of multiple persons is not. And these relationship types are viable and legitimate for those who do not seek a traditional monogamous relationship.
People cheat. That's a large portion of the 50% divorce rate. And I think the most damaging part of the cheating is the not knowing. You have created this bond with another person, You have been intimate and shared yourself-physically and emotionally-with another person. And the idea that they have had a relationship with someone else seems like a betrayal. I'll say this: If you cannot answer or ask questions in your relationship without one of you becoming upset or controlling-you aren't intimate with your partner. Y'all are just two people fucking. True intimacy allows you to be naked with another person without fear that they will leave because of a little discomfort. I won't say all of you need to open your relationship (I have no idea how to even guide you on that. LOL) But I will say some of you need to be honest about what you want and what you NEED from your relationship. Communication can save relations!
Back to the title and initial paragraph. There is a high divorce rate. And most of those divorces are due to infidelity. But we cannot and should not blame the other person for the demise of a marriage/relationship. I'll speak from the perspective of a woman-hence the title. If you are content and happy in your relationship, you aren't seeking anyone else. And even if opportunity flirts with you, ( and you may like the attention and flirt back) you aren't trying to take it any further because you are content where you are.....content with your relationship. There is disdain and anger we carry at the demise of a marriage when we find out infidelity played a part. We hope the man ends up with the other woman-and is miserable. And if that couple break up, we call it karma and cheer for the ending of that travesty. In reality, we shouldn't be blaming the other woman. She was not the reason he left. She may have been an excuse to leave. But let's be real clear-HE LEFT BECAUSE HE NO LONGER WANTED TO BE IN HIS INITIAL RELATIONSHIP. You don't break up your home and bust up your relationship with another person because of someone new. You leave because you are ready to be out. We have to stop placing blame on the other person.
I am not encouraging cheating. But I am not encouraging a person to suppress their needs or desires. I will say this: You have to learn to sit with yourself. You have to learn what you want and need from a relationship. What is in your core or what has been ingrained in you. If you don't know who you are, go figure it out. It takes work but it is worth it.
-Nicole Rene
I use that analogy because it's the same with relationships. We (Western civilization) have an issue with relationships. We are conditioned to think that jealousy and possession is normal and acceptable. It's not. Before I go further, let me be real clear..... I think we all should have the right to design our own relationships-free of judgment. As long as our relationship isn't hurting another person or taking advantage of another, we should be free to create a situation that we want to be in. I have struggles with understanding the hype around monogamy. But I am not on the polyamory or polygamy bandwagon, either. There is no one solution. You must find what fits you. But I will say this: The United States has a fifty percent divorce rate. That means one out of two couples will divorce. Half of married couples will divorce. We have heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. Technically, that's not the definition of insanity. But it goes well with the point I am trying to make. It's insane to think that pushing monogamy in a world of vastly different beings will result in the marriage rate outweighing the divorce rate. Whatever we are doing isn't working. So a different solution must be introduced.
The answer to leaving the Democratic party (which I did) is not to become a Republican. And vice versa. Though you may leave one and find yourself apart of the other, the solution is not to jump ship. The solution is to figure out what resonates with you and your core beliefs. Which party do you feel is best for you-and overall-what you hope for the country. It's the same with relationships. Monogamy works for some people. And though most couples you may know are probably overtly monogamous, how many of them are actually content in that dynamic? We are not monogamous beings. Monogamy is work. I would even say it feels forced. Monogamy gives the idea that one person-out of the billions in the world-can fulfill all your needs. I have said before: If your partner is the only person to keep your attention, delete your social media accounts and don't have leisurely conversations with the people at work. Let your partner be the ONLY person you converse with. Yeah, you hear how foolish that sounds, right? We communicate with others to hear and learn different points of view. We grow by learning. We learn by exposing ourselves to things outside of ourselves.
Now let's take polyamory-having multiple loves. That dynamic is not ideal for all, but it works for some. And though polygamy is illegal, per se, the spiritual union of multiple persons is not. And these relationship types are viable and legitimate for those who do not seek a traditional monogamous relationship.
People cheat. That's a large portion of the 50% divorce rate. And I think the most damaging part of the cheating is the not knowing. You have created this bond with another person, You have been intimate and shared yourself-physically and emotionally-with another person. And the idea that they have had a relationship with someone else seems like a betrayal. I'll say this: If you cannot answer or ask questions in your relationship without one of you becoming upset or controlling-you aren't intimate with your partner. Y'all are just two people fucking. True intimacy allows you to be naked with another person without fear that they will leave because of a little discomfort. I won't say all of you need to open your relationship (I have no idea how to even guide you on that. LOL) But I will say some of you need to be honest about what you want and what you NEED from your relationship. Communication can save relations!
Back to the title and initial paragraph. There is a high divorce rate. And most of those divorces are due to infidelity. But we cannot and should not blame the other person for the demise of a marriage/relationship. I'll speak from the perspective of a woman-hence the title. If you are content and happy in your relationship, you aren't seeking anyone else. And even if opportunity flirts with you, ( and you may like the attention and flirt back) you aren't trying to take it any further because you are content where you are.....content with your relationship. There is disdain and anger we carry at the demise of a marriage when we find out infidelity played a part. We hope the man ends up with the other woman-and is miserable. And if that couple break up, we call it karma and cheer for the ending of that travesty. In reality, we shouldn't be blaming the other woman. She was not the reason he left. She may have been an excuse to leave. But let's be real clear-HE LEFT BECAUSE HE NO LONGER WANTED TO BE IN HIS INITIAL RELATIONSHIP. You don't break up your home and bust up your relationship with another person because of someone new. You leave because you are ready to be out. We have to stop placing blame on the other person.
I am not encouraging cheating. But I am not encouraging a person to suppress their needs or desires. I will say this: You have to learn to sit with yourself. You have to learn what you want and need from a relationship. What is in your core or what has been ingrained in you. If you don't know who you are, go figure it out. It takes work but it is worth it.
-Nicole Rene
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