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A girl’s girl

 Samantha Jones (Sex & the city), Regine Hunter (Living Single), (Toni Childs (Girlfriends), and Blanche Devereaux ( The Golden Girls) are all the same character, and NONE of them are a girl’s girl!

Samantha Jones is lauded as one-from the episode where she doesn’t judge Carrie for engaging in an affair with married “Big”. That’s not something to be applauded. Carrie, Sam’s friend, was sleeping with her ex-who was married to another woman. But how could Sam judge Carrie when Sam, herself, engaged in sex with married men? Hell, Sam lacked sexual discipline and slept with pretty much anyone. She lacked boundaries and somehow, the early 2000’s saw her as a pioneer or goddess. I was there, I remember! 

I’ve stated this before, but the older I get, the more reserved I become. I can look back on past actions/behaviors and analyze WHY I engaged in them. From there, I try to steer others in a different direction. I’d rather help you figure out your WHY before you spend months or years seeking something and having no idea what you’re looking for. 

Feminists and trad wives are polar opposites. Feminists say they want women to have choices. What they mean is: They want women to choose what THEY want women to choose. If I, as a woman, say I want to marry and have babies and take care of my home, feminists will accuse me of “upholding the patriarchy”. They will say I am making the wrong choice, as it is a choice they choose NOT to make. Feminists elevate women who choose to abort, hate men, and ignore traditional definitions of what a woman is. I enjoy men. I enjoy femininity. I am okay with gender roles. Feminists would call me a “pick me” but never a feminist. 

Trad wives, on the other hand, are all about womanhood and tending to the home and popping out babies. I don’t fit here, either. I don’t believe women should continuously have children they are ill prepared to care for. I believe our bodies need rest and healing, and allowing a religion to tell you to push through and keep pushing (babies) through (your vagina) is a disservice to women. Having children and being mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially able to care for them are not the same. [See Andrea Yates]. Trad wives dedicate their lives to making their husbands happy. They neglect their own wants, needs, and aspirations to make sure they fulfill the wants, needs, and desires of their husbands. There has to be balance. I can’t be a trad wife because I have goals. Even though I strongly believe in caring for your spouse, you cannot neglect your own mental health. 

No one who wants your spirit to be in constant disarray is on your side. No one who pushes you to do uncomfortable things for their own pleasure is on your side. 

I’m a girl’s girl because I want you to choose whatever path makes you happy and complete and whole. I’m a girl’s girl because I will use my past to educate women. Hopefully, lessons will be taught (by me) and learned (by you). Rather than choose between encouraging a woman to have an abortion (feminists) and forcing her to give birth (trad wives), I choose to school you on all aspects of sex-mental and physical costs. [Read Sex Education-an older post]. Knowledge is power and nothing is more empowering than a woman in control of her own emotions, mind, body, and decisions. I won’t tell you which choice to make, but I will provide the tools for you to make your own choices. 

-Nicole Rene

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