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The absence thereof….

 Does absence really make the heart grow fonder, or does it just make it easier to walk away? The past 8 weeks have brought about both feelings. What started off as a longing, missing someone, has evolved to the reality that no matter what happens, I’ll be alright. 

As someone who has dated polygamists (that’s another story-or a whole damn book, but I digress), unorthodox relationships are not new to me. The traditional path of anything hasn’t really been my forte. That doesn’t mean I don’t desire to have something healthy and functional. It just means my way of getting there might not look like yours. 

I write things down for several reasons:1. It helps me process and release things. 2. My story may be interesting or healing for someone. A few weeks ago I wrote down a question: How can I best support you? That query is intended to be answered by one person. Does my support look like me showing up more, or does it look like me showing up less? I cannot answer that. The former would be ideal. The latter scares the shit out of me. That would require me to abandon all thoughts and hopes for the future. But that’s the risk we take in having feelings, sharing feelings. The risk we take in love. I’m too tired to be angry if this doesn’t work. I can no longer fight for something that may not be meant to be. I’m exhausted. Either or will happen. Either we work or we go our separate ways. Whatever the outcome, I have no regrets. I gave my all. Loved unapologetically. I took a chance. 

-NR

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