Skip to main content

Atonement: Sorry Might Not Be Enough

I have come to a realization: I use to be a horrible person. And I am trying not to cry as I write this. I have hurt others because I was a hurt person. Broken. But I had no idea, at the time.

There are people I need to make amends with. Not because I need them to accept my forgiveness so I can feel better. Because I hurt them, not purposely, and I carry the weight of being responsible for creating a cycle. Forgiveness is not something anyone has to give. Seeking forgiveness should only come once one realizes the damage they have caused to another or others.

I carry the burden of what I have done. That, alone, is mine. And I must do the work to heal within myself. Once I became aware of how horrible I was, I cried. All night and all the next morning. People may forget words, but actions, what you do to them, that can be unforgettable. In some cases, that can be hard to live with.

This post is to bring awareness to anyone who may be causing hurt or pain to another. And if you know someone causing hurt, tell them. They may be unaware of their infliction of pain upon another. Broken people break other people. That's how cycles are created.

Now that I am aware, I can begin to atone. Apologize and seek forgiveness. But most importantly, I can spread awareness. When you know better, you do better. In my book, I'll be more open about who I hurt and how I started the process of forgiving myself and asking for it.

True apologies take courage. They may be met with rejection or anger. Still, do it. Someone may really need to hear you admit you were wrong.

For anyone I hurt, I AM SORRY!

~Nicole Rene

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Seeking God, Finding Myself

I have been on a fervent, spiritual journey for the past seven years. It was only then, I began to know myself-as a person, as a woman. I was 28 years old before I was comfortable enough with myself to begin peeling off layers and allowing my freeness to flow. I am a mother. I am a teacher. I am a writer. And I am a sexual being. For so long, the latter was something I suppressed. I wasn’t comfortable enough to speak on that aspect of me. But it’s part of who I am and how I got here-to this place, this space. I grew up Catholic. Sex was to be abstained until marriage, according to our Sunday school lessons. Though people in my family shacked up and had kids out of wedlock-and weren’t looked down upon.  For so long, I masturbated with guilt. Even though the release was wonderful and I enjoyed touching my body, I felt like religion taught me I would be punished for the sin-even though it didn’t involve another being. I use to spew the words “But I’m a Christian”  not knowing w...

Failure to Protect

I have spent the past 5 days reading horror stories of children being abused and murdered at the hands of a parent, step parent, or parent's significant other. I am disturbed, angry, disheartened, heartbroken, and a little hopeless. Adults should protect children. Parents should protect children. It all started when I came across a story about a beautiful girl named Rica Rountree. Rica was abused and murdered by her father's girlfriend. The child had been kicked in her stomach, causing her intestines to tear. Rica died of peritonitis. Her father (Richard Rountree) failed to protect her. He was aware of the abuse and participated, sharing text messages with the girlfriend about how he wished the girl would go somewhere else. He laughed about the abuse in texts and agreed with the girlfriend, Cynthia (Clay) Baker about coaching Rica to lie about how she got her bruises. Though I am happy she was convicted and I hope she gets the maximum in February for sentencing, it is a litt...

Death….the ugly side….

 My father died, a month ago (2/12/25). I am not doing well. I was with him in the hospital room. It was not a quiet, just slipped away-type of death. Besides me, there were about 8 or 9 hospital staff members in the room, working on him. I lied. Eight or nine weren’t working on him. About 4 were actively working, the rest were just….there.  When I’m up to it, I’ll blog about the horrible experience at Piedmont Eastside Hospital-Snellville, GA. The two doctors that made me HATE that hospital. That’s where he died.  I’m from Louisiana, but I live in Ga. My father lives in-lived in Louisiana. He’s a widower, as my mom passed in 2016 (05/24/16). He was with her, in the hospital, when she died. They had been together for 40 years. Nine months prior, (09/05/2015) my 38 year old brother died. They grieved that lost. Mom never really recovered. She had lost two brothers in 2014. One in January and one in December. We began 2014 and 2015 with funerals.  Anyway, my dad visits...