I attended a lovely dinner with some lovely ladies, a few months ago. We ate, laughed, caught up, and drank! And we talked. Out of the group of ladies, two of us were unmarried. And of the two of us, one of us has never been married. The question was asked, to me, if I would like to be married one day. Yes, I would. Fast forward three months later. I was back in New Orleans and enjoyed another lovely night of drinks, food, and convo at the same restaurant-with a different group of friends. One couple and one half of a couple. I shared with them the question that had been on my mind for months and my desire to be married, someday. I shared why, too.
There was a time when women wanted to be wives. Nowadays, it seems as being a wife is not as sought as being a "friend" or "side piece". Wife is a word that was respected. Women who were wives were respected. And, in many aspects, it is still that way. There is nothing wrong with being single. But there is nothing wrong with desiring marriage, either. Each choice is individual. You know what is in your heart. You should honor that. I desire to be a helpmate-unapologetically. But I am a woman who brings more to the table than domesticity. I am educated (I teach), I love to travel and write. While I respect stay-at-home wives/moms, I cannot see that being my path. But I would not complain if it were an option! I do want the security that marriage brings. Many arguments are about how marriage is just a piece of paper. But that paper carries plenty weight. And it provides things that would, otherwise, have to be settled in court. Marriage is desired for many different reasons. You choose yours. There is no shame in your choice. No shame in wanting to be domesticated. And this is part of the reason I struggle with feminism and its teachings. I will blog in another post how I feel feminism is detrimental to women and non inclusive of women of color. But I digress, for now. I am pro empowerment of women. Marriage allows that. I can be a wife, mother, teacher, writer, and whatever else I choose, simultaneously.
I feel like we, humans, weren't built to be alone. That is not to say everyone has to be in a relationship or you are not whole without a relationship. But we all seek and desire some form of "ship"-companionship, relationship, friendship. We all want someone we can talk to, share with, bond with. We want the intimacy that comes with those "ships"-be it sexual or non sexual. To say that being alone is fine-for a lifetime-is false. The reason we create social media accounts, build friendships, date, or form relationships at work is that we want to connect with another (or other) beings. No one is truly a loner, unless you are isolated or shut in with no visitors.
For many women of color, it seems marriage is not an option. Sometimes you have to get out of your element, travel, move, run in different circles, date outside your race, raise or adjust your standards, so you can meet someone who DOES want to be married to you. I choose to no longer be in the statistic of Black women of color who are unmarried. And that is solely because marriage is on my mind...and in my heart.
I WANT TO BE MARRIED, SOMEDAY! There is no shame in that or in me sharing that. I have no desire to remain single for life. And because of that, I move differently. My circle consists of married couples and friends who desire the same thing. My dating life has shifted. I do not do "casual" anymore. I have a plan and I desire a man to have a plan. If you want me, court me. If you do not seek long term, I am not the woman for you. Having a plan and sticking with is the only way my heart will fulfill its desire. There is no shame in wanting to be married. No shame in believing in marriage and love. I hope my marriage is filled with love, growth, understanding, companionship, friendship, giving, and longevity. May the Universe hear my prayer and answer. Amen.
~Nicole Rene
There was a time when women wanted to be wives. Nowadays, it seems as being a wife is not as sought as being a "friend" or "side piece". Wife is a word that was respected. Women who were wives were respected. And, in many aspects, it is still that way. There is nothing wrong with being single. But there is nothing wrong with desiring marriage, either. Each choice is individual. You know what is in your heart. You should honor that. I desire to be a helpmate-unapologetically. But I am a woman who brings more to the table than domesticity. I am educated (I teach), I love to travel and write. While I respect stay-at-home wives/moms, I cannot see that being my path. But I would not complain if it were an option! I do want the security that marriage brings. Many arguments are about how marriage is just a piece of paper. But that paper carries plenty weight. And it provides things that would, otherwise, have to be settled in court. Marriage is desired for many different reasons. You choose yours. There is no shame in your choice. No shame in wanting to be domesticated. And this is part of the reason I struggle with feminism and its teachings. I will blog in another post how I feel feminism is detrimental to women and non inclusive of women of color. But I digress, for now. I am pro empowerment of women. Marriage allows that. I can be a wife, mother, teacher, writer, and whatever else I choose, simultaneously.
I feel like we, humans, weren't built to be alone. That is not to say everyone has to be in a relationship or you are not whole without a relationship. But we all seek and desire some form of "ship"-companionship, relationship, friendship. We all want someone we can talk to, share with, bond with. We want the intimacy that comes with those "ships"-be it sexual or non sexual. To say that being alone is fine-for a lifetime-is false. The reason we create social media accounts, build friendships, date, or form relationships at work is that we want to connect with another (or other) beings. No one is truly a loner, unless you are isolated or shut in with no visitors.
For many women of color, it seems marriage is not an option. Sometimes you have to get out of your element, travel, move, run in different circles, date outside your race, raise or adjust your standards, so you can meet someone who DOES want to be married to you. I choose to no longer be in the statistic of Black women of color who are unmarried. And that is solely because marriage is on my mind...and in my heart.
I WANT TO BE MARRIED, SOMEDAY! There is no shame in that or in me sharing that. I have no desire to remain single for life. And because of that, I move differently. My circle consists of married couples and friends who desire the same thing. My dating life has shifted. I do not do "casual" anymore. I have a plan and I desire a man to have a plan. If you want me, court me. If you do not seek long term, I am not the woman for you. Having a plan and sticking with is the only way my heart will fulfill its desire. There is no shame in wanting to be married. No shame in believing in marriage and love. I hope my marriage is filled with love, growth, understanding, companionship, friendship, giving, and longevity. May the Universe hear my prayer and answer. Amen.
~Nicole Rene
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