Scholars Sanctuary

As I reflect on my life-where I am and where I want to be-I am reminded that my journey is mine and I created this path. What I mean is I am where I am because of decisions I made. If I don't like where I am, it is up to me to make the necessary changes. The process of growth allows me to see things differently. With growth comes knowledge. And though my views on some things teeter back and forth, others remain steadfast. The more I grow, the older I get, the more conservative I get. Now, I still have liberal views on many things, but my perception and experience has allowed me to release that which does not serve me anymore and embrace that which is good for me. I'm not sure I will ever get married. I am sure I want to have a productive, healthy relationship with someone who can help me better a better me, as I reciprocate that to him. Thus far, nothing I have done has produced a sustainable relationship for me. Therefore, sex is off the table......for a while. I would lov...

I have spent the past 5 days reading horror stories of children being abused and murdered at the hands of a parent, step parent, or parent's significant other. I am disturbed, angry, disheartened, heartbroken, and a little hopeless. Adults should protect children. Parents should protect children. It all started when I came across a story about a beautiful girl named Rica Rountree. Rica was abused and murdered by her father's girlfriend. The child had been kicked in her stomach, causing her intestines to tear. Rica died of peritonitis. Her father (Richard Rountree) failed to protect her. He was aware of the abuse and participated, sharing text messages with the girlfriend about how he wished the girl would go somewhere else. He laughed about the abuse in texts and agreed with the girlfriend, Cynthia (Clay) Baker about coaching Rica to lie about how she got her bruises. Though I am happy she was convicted and I hope she gets the maximum in February for sentencing, it is a litt...

When you have a job, career, that you love, you don't seek employment elsewhere. But if you are unsure of your status at your current place of employment, if you are unhappy, or if you are seeking/ready for a change, you may find yourself looking for another job. And if opportunity comes to you, you will probably consider taking another offer. I use that analogy because it's the same with relationships. We (Western civilization) have an issue with relationships. We are conditioned to think that jealousy and possession is normal and acceptable. It's not. Before I go further, let me be real clear..... I think we all should have the right to design our own relationships-free of judgment. As long as our relationship isn't hurting another person or taking advantage of another, we should be free to create a situation that we want to be in. I have struggles with understanding the hype around monogamy. But I am not on the polyamory or polygamy bandwagon, either. There is no o...

I have been on a fervent, spiritual journey for the past seven years. It was only then, I began to know myself-as a person, as a woman. I was 28 years old before I was comfortable enough with myself to begin peeling off layers and allowing my freeness to flow. I am a mother. I am a teacher. I am a writer. And I am a sexual being. For so long, the latter was something I suppressed. I wasn’t comfortable enough to speak on that aspect of me. But it’s part of who I am and how I got here-to this place, this space. I grew up Catholic. Sex was to be abstained until marriage, according to our Sunday school lessons. Though people in my family shacked up and had kids out of wedlock-and weren’t looked down upon.  For so long, I masturbated with guilt. Even though the release was wonderful and I enjoyed touching my body, I felt like religion taught me I would be punished for the sin-even though it didn’t involve another being. I use to spew the words “But I’m a Christian”  not knowing w...

There is something absolutely wonderful and beautiful about aging. With age comes knowledge, wisdom, growth. The longer we live and the more we experience, the more knowledgeable we become. Or, at least, that’s how it SHOULD be. I’m 35. I’ll be 36 in November. As I navigate the dating scene, I am almost always met with the question “Do you want to have more kids”? If I (or any woman my age or older) were to conceive a child, it’d be labeled a .......wait for it...... GERIATRIC PREGNANCY. Yes, that is what it’s called when a woman-35+ gets pregnant. I’ll probably still menstruate another 12-15 years, so I shake my head at that term. It’s a reminder of how devalued women of a certain age become.  I’m not a fan of social media . If I didn’t blog/write, I’d not even engage. So I never feel like I’m competing with or trying to keep up with women in their 20’s who post sexual content on their pages for attention or likes. It’s their life and their choice. I just know I’m past that...

“Not Traditionally Attractive” was a phrase I heard a woman use, a few months ago. I cannot remember the exact context in which the phrase was used, but the phrase-itself-has stayed with me. I’m not traditionally attractive. There’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t find myself unattractive. I just accept me and my beauty for what and how it is. But this post isn’t about how attractive I am (or not). Though I respect certain traditions and history, I’d say I defy tradition as a whole. If it resonates with me, great. But I don’t fall into the habit of doing things, blindly, just because they’ve always been done. My relationship dynamics are not traditional. Some may label them unorthodox. Some will try to understand. And others will not be open to anything outside the norm. I like to think I’m a free thinker. I’m comfortable outside the box. I take the road less traveled, the off beaten path. Not to be defiant. Just to be true to who I am. Monogamy has never really felt good to me....

I attended a lovely dinner with some lovely ladies, a few months ago. We ate, laughed, caught up, and drank! And we talked. Out of the group of ladies, two of us were unmarried. And of the two of us, one of us has never been married. The question was asked, to me, if I would like to be married one day. Yes, I would. Fast forward three months later. I was back in New Orleans and enjoyed another lovely night of drinks, food, and convo at the same restaurant-with a different group of friends. One couple and one half of a couple. I shared with them the question that had been on my mind for months and my desire to be married, someday. I shared why, too. There was a time when women wanted to be wives. Nowadays, it seems as being a wife is not as sought as being a "friend" or "side piece". Wife is a word that was respected. Women who were wives were respected. And, in many aspects, it is still that way. There is nothing wrong with being single. But there is nothing wron...