Scholars Sanctuary

“Not Traditionally Attractive” was a phrase I heard a woman use, a few months ago. I cannot remember the exact context in which the phrase was used, but the phrase-itself-has stayed with me. I’m not traditionally attractive. There’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t find myself unattractive. I just accept me and my beauty for what and how it is. But this post isn’t about how attractive I am (or not). Though I respect certain traditions and history, I’d say I defy tradition as a whole. If it resonates with me, great. But I don’t fall into the habit of doing things, blindly, just because they’ve always been done. My relationship dynamics are not traditional. Some may label them unorthodox. Some will try to understand. And others will not be open to anything outside the norm. I like to think I’m a free thinker. I’m comfortable outside the box. I take the road less traveled, the off beaten path. Not to be defiant. Just to be true to who I am. Monogamy has never really felt good to me....

I attended a lovely dinner with some lovely ladies, a few months ago. We ate, laughed, caught up, and drank! And we talked. Out of the group of ladies, two of us were unmarried. And of the two of us, one of us has never been married. The question was asked, to me, if I would like to be married one day. Yes, I would. Fast forward three months later. I was back in New Orleans and enjoyed another lovely night of drinks, food, and convo at the same restaurant-with a different group of friends. One couple and one half of a couple. I shared with them the question that had been on my mind for months and my desire to be married, someday. I shared why, too. There was a time when women wanted to be wives. Nowadays, it seems as being a wife is not as sought as being a "friend" or "side piece". Wife is a word that was respected. Women who were wives were respected. And, in many aspects, it is still that way. There is nothing wrong with being single. But there is nothing wron...

I have come to a realization: I use to be a horrible person. And I am trying not to cry as I write this. I have hurt others because I was a hurt person. Broken. But I had no idea, at the time. There are people I need to make amends with. Not because I need them to accept my forgiveness so I can feel better. Because I hurt them, not purposely, and I carry the weight of being responsible for creating a cycle. Forgiveness is not something anyone has to give. Seeking forgiveness should only come once one realizes the damage they have caused to another or others. I carry the burden of what I have done. That, alone, is mine. And I must do the work to heal within myself. Once I became aware of how horrible I was, I cried. All night and all the next morning. People may forget words, but actions, what you do to them, that can be unforgettable. In some cases, that can be hard to live with. This post is to bring awareness to anyone who may be causing hurt or pain to another. And if you know...

Every now and then, my viewpoint on certain topics shifts. I refer to that as growth or change of perspective. Either way, I use it as a teachable moment. I've tweeted and blogged about sex, sometimes, in a laissez faire way. While I am no prude on sexual matters, I do believe one way to empower others is to arm them with facts and realizations. Sex is as emotional as it is physical, though the physical consequences can be more permanent. Severe. Sexually transmitted diseases exist. Unplanned and unwanted pregnancies occur. Carrying the weight of multiple partners, in your spirit, and engaging in insane behavior of sex and being unfulfilled is real. It's fine and important to abstain or be celibate during periods of your life. Take that time and get to know yourself-who you are and what you want. And while I support the right for sex workers to make a living, I must stress that being a sex worker (voluntary) and being a victim of the sex industry  (trafficking victim, f...

Today, as I laid on a table with my eyes closed, I silently cried. Today, during a massage, I began to heal. I have always heard how massages are healing. And I believed that,  since I have received massages before. But, today, I truly felt like healing was taking place. My massage therapist was gentle and kind. She oiled and touched my body, working on spots that were filled with tension. Under a dim light, with soft music playing, I closed my eyes and silently cried. I cried because it has been over a year since I last went to a massage parlor. My body was in much discomfort, yet I didn't feel the need to get it massaged. I received multiple signs over the past two days that forced me to realize I NEED this. Human touch can be delicate, sensitive, and is innately craved by all beings. Human touch, itself, has healing powers. You see, so many people don't experience that. The homeless population, the incarcerated, those deemed unlovable. They rarely, if ever, receive human...

Sooooo.....it has been a while since I've written. My mom passed away, May 24th. As with my brother who passed away September 5, 2015, death brings enlightenment to me.  I've been reflecting and thinking over rhe past 8 weeks. But I know there are some things I need to share with you all. And it's Summertime!! So I feel like it is a great time to sit and  write. Anywho.....I created this little list (which I am putting into longer form to be released, later) I wanna share with you all. Soooooo, here it is. 1. Begin each day with prayer or meditation. How you start your day plays a major role in setting the tone for the rest of it. Prayers/meditation can create a positive aura, which can create a positive day for you. 2. Self care. Take care of your appearance. Care for your skin, hair, and hygiene. Pamper yourself. Find hair and skin products that work for your skin/hair type and tone. Take care of your hygiene.  Brush and wash. Bathe/shower. Just cleanse yourself. ...

I vaguely remember taking a "sex education" course, in Middle School. It was 6th or 7th grade. I remember being in the classroom. Giggling at uncomfortable words. But I cannot recall anything learned, that day. We probably talked about menstruation -periods. I hadn't had mine, yet. (When I did, I was 12, it was the Summer before I began 8th grade ...my birthday is late....November). I think we were combined- boys and girls in that space. And I am pretty sure that made most of us prepubescent schoolchildren awkwardly uncomfortable. Sex Education courses serve a good purpose. Overall, the intention is to give information about things our bodies go through. Hormones, puberty, arousal. How babies are made. But most sex ed classes are standard classes. In this age, there are many people who consider themselves"sexperts"- experts of all things sex. They can tell you how to get pregnant. How to NOT get pregnant. How to have an orgasm. How to stretch an orgasm. How ...